Rollercoaster (PhD) life

Crazy highs and lows, up and down, time after time

"Here we go, On this roller coaster life we know, With those crazy highs and real deep lows, I really don't know why". A song by the Dutch singer, Danny Vera, who describes the daily life of every human being on this pale blue dot, the Earth. Life is like a roller coaster, as it allows you to go up and down. But in this blog I do like to relate everything to my personal PhD life. And guess what, it also feels like a complete rollercoaster.

Everything starts with choosing the nicest amusement park in the world. Visiting the websites of random amusement parks all over the globe allows us to compare and investigate all their highlight attractions. In the end, choosing only one out of about a hundred locations will always be very difficult. I took me a while to make a shortlist of astronomical institutes all over the world . Or let's say, of those that were actually appealing to me. In general, I like to prepare myself well before making an important decision. However, even with the best possible preparation, starting a career in academia would bring a lot of surprises and insecurities.

The first moment that I start to feel nervous is when I start to queue for the highlight of the amusement park: the rollercoaster. More and more signs revealing relevant information are popping up once you are getting closer towards the entrance. The final sign before walking through the queue doors is: "Please, enjoy the ride". When I was getting ready for my first working day, I had this same feeling of excitement mixed with s a tiny bit of fear. I knew what to expect from starting a PhD, but at the same time, I had no clue . I received multiple emails with information about my new university account, some contract details and even an email stating: "Welcome at the Leiden Observatory".

When finally reaching the entrance of the rollercoaster, you start to become even more excited about the ride to come. You are being asked to line-up in front of one out of the many rollercoaster carts that are waiting of you. This moment gives you the opportunity to get a first impression of all the other people that are also joining the same ride. The start of your first day at the research institute mainly consists of meeting other PhD students from the same intake. During a number of activities you start to get to know each other and become familiar with the working place.

Slowly the sound of the chains taking the carts upwards is getting closer. A first shock connects your cart to the gears and there you go.. Upwards.. As you are looking forward, the sky is getting closer, while looking backward the ground only gets smaller. You are able to scan the rest of the area, overseeing the entire park. Your nerves are starting to cool down once you are able to overlook over the rest of the coaster trail. The road seems predictable and the exit feels near. During the first half of your PhD you slowly start to get to know the research field you are working in. The more knowledge you accumulate, the more complete the layout of your thesis and therefore career path becomes. You have much energy to start various projects simultaneously as well as join several collaborations and prepare for talks and conferences that help you to promote your research.

Then all of a sudden you can not hear the sound of the chains anymore. You have reached the highest point of the ride. Looking ahead of you, there is only the beating of your heart that you feel in your throat. Before you realise, the carts accelerate as you are being pulled down by gravity. This is exactly the point that I experience at the moment. I am just over halfway through my PhD. I recently found out that some of the (too many) projects that I started these years, are not (all) going to be finished. The structured planning that I made for myself at the beginning of my PhD was far from realistic. At the same time, I need to start thinking about the next steps in my career. Do I want to continue in academia, with whom, where and in which field? Scary times, going down.. But, I do know that as soon as I get a new grib on my projects, I will go up again.

A PhD is a rollercoaster of emotions. I do think that everyone has to be aware of this fact before starting it. You almost never completely control the ride, as you are very dependent on other researchers as well. Whether this is your research group, your supervisor or even an electrical engineer that is helping you out with your instrument. The most important thing, is to never stop believing in yourself. Do never loose your curiosity in 'things', and above all, enjoy the ride as much as possible.